I just cannot take it anymore... everything i do is wrong, everything my cats do are wrong... everything and anything everyone else does is all o..BLOODY...k!
THIS IS THE SHITS!!! I really cannot take it already... I don't understand, am that big a pushover that everyone somehow somewhere down the line always takes advantage of me?? I don't get it... I try to be a good friend, sister, daughter, GF and be there for everyone, but than they all turn right back around and fuck me right up! and than there's the family... always giving something or anything for something and anything in return. Than there's the office. Just because i can't say "NO" does not mean that i am happy doin it!
I don't get it! the reason for being in a relationship with someone is because you like being with the person, security and just at peace with yourself and with the other person. when u accept each other's imprefections. since when have i become so judgmental towards my loved one??? I've no idea how or when i learnt this...
I can't remember when was the last time someone hugged me to sleep (and sleep peacefully at that)? i can't recall when was the last time someone just held me just cause and not cause they want something in return? and I don't understand y everyone has to be so damn demanding?? "Oh u don't wanna come stay with your parents so no more money for your degree?"; or "u didn't show up at my wedding, so I'm pissed at you!"; "U're staying with us, so u'd better do something in the house or cook and/or clean, when u wake up better say "good morning" and not "hi" or say "good night" before you go to bed i.e. be the fucking maid, or we will treat you like CRAP!" There were also friends who lied to me about being their god-damn guarantor for their housing loan just to FIND OUT THAT IT'S FOR THE FUCKING LOAN SHARKS!!! damn bitch!
NOTHING I DO IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR ANY OF YOU AND YOU CALL URSELVES MY FRIENDS!!
wanna know what else is funny?? I buy something nice for myself and I am questioned!?!?! what the fuck la?? I USE MY OWN DAMN EARNED MONEY DON'T FUCKING QUESTION ME LA AND WHAT I DO WITH THE FUCKING MONEY! AND I'LL DO WHAT THE FUCK I WANT WITH THE OLD FONE!
I REALLY CANNOT TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!! so how do you find the words to say that it's over?? really... HOW? Why is life so fucked up?!?
How do you deal with a person who puts 2 people together and than tries to break them up? She tries over and over and over again to break us up but nothing works and she continues to try. Where's the logic? Here, I found out that she's been in love with him for the LONGEST TIME.... cannot make it.... The whole world can see that she's so in love with him.... The whole world knows that she's making herself look like an idiot. It's so pathetic...
When you love someone so much, you can't possibly set them up with another? shit, if that was me, I'd keep him for myself and be happy to see him miserable and alone. I would never ever break up a relationship even if it kills me to see him happy with another? and you don't go around telling people that his you're brother... cos he's soooooo NOT your brother... to make matters worst, she's friends with my bf's ex and she never liked my bf's ex....?? Hello... that's like lower than scum la... I never knew anyone can be that low... especially not a woman! I've met desperate women in my life but what do you call a woman like that??
I know she's done this several times. Way before I was in the picture and now that I am in the pic. I know that I should just leave it be cos well, she's just pathetic. But I'm not going to stand for it when I know that there's some BITCH out there who's trying to break up my relationship.
She's the one who's always there for him, always there.... She makes him that I don't care about him... When I'm the only one who is brave enough to tell him the GOD DAMN TRUTH!!!
SO BITCH STOP BEING THE ONE WHO BRINGS HIM UP SO HIGH WHEN AT THE END OF THE DAY I AM THE ONE HE COMES TO WHEN HE'S SAD THAT HE DOESN'T GET WAT HE WANTS/WHEN HE DOESN'T MAKE IT. U DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT WHEN HE COMES HOME ALL SULKING FROM NOT GETTING WHAT HE WANTS, THANKS TO YOU! SO JUST LEAVE US THE HELL ALONG AND MIND YOUR OWN GOD DAMN BUSINESS! FINDYOURSELF YOUR OWN MAN AND LEAVE MY MAN ALONE! WE'RE FINE THE WAY WE ARE AND WE REALLY DON'T NEED PEOPLE LIKE YOU, WASTING OUR TIME, IN OUR LIVES!!
STAY AWAY FROM ME AND FROM MY MAN! HEED THIS ADVICE IF YOU KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU. HE KNOWS WHAT YOU'RE UP TO AND IF HE DOESN'T HE KNOWS NOW... JUST BECAUSE I AM KEEPING QUIET DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T KNOW, IT'S BECAUSE I RESPECT SHAUN TOO MUCH. REALLY STAY AWAY, BETTER STILL, DIE!
I love my life now and I wouldn't change it if given a chance. Relationships all need hard work to make it work, having sick people in the picture doesn't help, it only makes us stronger...
So what do you thk is more important, a marriage than a child or just having a baby and marriage later? I'm 30 in 2 years and I suddenly feel the urge to have a baby. Hubby feels the same way but work and studies just don't go together. How am i going to have a baby, have to work and go to school at the same time? I bet i'd die before my baby can even say it's first word.
But day in and day out, i just hope that I am pregnant. I really want a baby. I dunno if it's because my biological clock ticking or maybe because, hubby's going away for awhile... But I've been really emotional these past few month since I found out that Shanun's gonna go away, for work. 8 months mind you.. How am i going to live without my hubby for 8 months? I reckon he thinks that I'll do fine, but i know for a fact that i won't do fine.
If this was like 4 years ago, i'd be the happiest person in town. I get to go out for drinks and dancing but I am not that person anymore. I just wanna be with my hubby. I am the happiest when I'm with him. (**bleah bleah** yeah i know that's what you're thinking but i cannot help it if i'm in love and you're not....).
It's 2 months before hubby leaves... I hope that he doesn't go but I pray to the Lord everyday that Hubby lives his dream and that he keeps Hubby safe on his journey out at sea and that he comes home safely to me.
Life oh life oh life...
Still with my job... yes... and still coping with school and the year is almost coming to an end. An achievement for me I believe.
School.
I've met loads of people and I must say they are really an interesting bunch. Surprisingly, in less than a yr, we've got a bond. It really feels like school. Yes there's competition and all... Everyone one wants to be the best that they can be. But it's less demanding than I expected. My lecturer is the coolest person I've met. He's "french moroccan" and he's got a ponytail.
I love being in his classes especially when he lectures Criminal Law, one of my favourite subjects. He makes it really really interesting. He explains cases how they are meant to be explained. You'll only know what it feels like if you sit in one of this crim law classes.
But the fact that I have to work during the day and study at night is really really exhausting. I dunno if I can take another 2 years of this. But hey, to get them PAPERS you've got to suffer for a bit to get the big bucks in the future. I mean get real, the only reason people upgrade themselves is so that they can have a better future ($$$$$ and lots of it!!!!). How long are you gonna depend on loved ones? After awhile, they're gonna start thinking that you're a major loser and all you do is stay at home (no offence to the "tai tais" and the housewives).
To a certain extent, I think I have matured a little. I missed the life I had, but I love the life I have now. I make my own money and I spend my own money. Nothing feels better than that!
So for now, I have to start thinking how to make more money?? Invesments, stocks...? I really dunno. So if there's someone out there who's reading this, I dunno y u are but ya... If you are reading this and you know about investments blah blah, gimme a hollar... I'm keen on listening.
I'll update you when I'm a RICH AND FAMOUS LAWYER
till then....
Here I am sitting in Starbucks with my classmates doing nothing but discussioning Common Law. I have no idea what's goin on and I am getting really really annoyed.
I can't seem to understand anything that's going on. But then again, maybe it's just me who's refusing to do anything.
I have no knowledge of Common Law and some of my classmates have no idea what it means either. And I feel that it's really stressful when they can't stick to a plan. There is no order to the discussion. There is no head no tail. Too much time is spent on discussing one point. THERE IS NO ORDER!!!
There needs to be a systematic mannner of conducting the discussion. I feel lost... I cannot take it....
I did something bad just a few days ago... I didn't go for class on wed... If my mom eva finds out she's gonna kill... But I'm just so tired i cannot take it. It's even affecting work.
I've got to go to work, I've got to go to school, I've got to stay at home and be a good wife, I have to be a good mom and remember to feed and clean my kid... It's just too damn bloody exhausting...
Help...?
Hey Kit, thks for your post man.. I really appreciate it bro.. U're the bestest friend i've eva had... But see the thing is, u did school full time, so u had lots of time to study. I only have nights to study and too much material to read. But it's thought that counts. I love ya too...
I'm just sooooo exhausted...
Maybe going back to school was just too much for me, especially Law School... I really doubt that I can make it... I've got a shit load of reading to do most of the time, I really don't have time for anything at all. I don't even have time for myself.
I spend most of my time at work, if I am not at work, I am at school. If I am not in school, I'm at home doing my reading or catching up on my sleep time.
I am one person who has to sleep alot, and it's really tiring that I am lacking in that department.
I really feel bad that I don't even have time to spend with my family. I haven't seen my parents for 2 weeks and I feel really really bad. My parents have always been there for me and I can't even spend an hour with my parents.
I don't even spend time with shaun and we're living together.... I'm on my computer half the time doing my work or doing my reading that we rarely sit down and do the things we used to do.
I just wish that there's somehow I can manage my time. I really cannot take it anymore... I'm really really really just so tired......
Nothing much happened this week.
I got my laptop, finally....
Mama is a year "younger" and Papa has finally got his driver's licence again after years and years of no wanting to driver, he has finally given in to my mama.
I was thinking of actually going on another trip. I wanna go to Batam again but this time I wanna really enjoy it there. I wanna do all the activities that they have and just enjoy the weekend. Was thinking of a 3 days 2 nights thingy. Strictly a-la "ClubMed".
I'm sure it's going to be a hell of a trip.
It's just one of those days when u just feel like you just need to add another post into the blog...
I've got nothing to do with my life so I just resort to work and studying and more work.
School's just crappy as ever. We did nothing in class on monday, we just sat in the lecture theatre and listened to the lecturer go on and on about memory techniques... Last I checked, I did the same thing in poly ah...? Irritating ah.... IT'S A FUCKING DEGREE COURSE LA!!!! LAW DEGREE!!!! YOU EITHER CAN DO IT OR YOU CAN'T. IF YOU CAN'T THAN TOO BAD YOU'LL FAIL AND CARRY ON WITH LIFE!!!
So annoying... They keep stalling our student handbooks and everything else... They have no idea what they doing la... First was the payment thingy... They think $10,000 is no big deal la... If my mom ever finds out that they are so unorganised she's going to scream at them.
I can't remember if i said this in my last blog, they made us sit for a stupid math test la laslt week. Hello.... I slogged 5 yrs of my life in secondary school so that I'd pass my maths exam at the end of the yr now 10 yrs later, they expect me to remember everything that i learnt 10 bloody yrs ago...? RIDICULOUS!!!
haiya... we'll see what we see la... If i survive this yr we'll see what happens next year la.
HOOYAH!!! It's the weekEND!!! Enjoy the weekend while it lasts ya'll!!!!! It's only 2 days!!!!
To all ya'll who's got to work, ENJOY working... I do hope it's worth it... ( just bein the bitch that I am...) ha ha
Cheers... I'm outta here...
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